I'm to star in a movie!

Buzzards Gotta Eat (Contributed)
So says an anonymous contributor to the comments on Wednesday's blog. That quote of course comes from The Outlaw Josey Wales film by Clint Eastwood. Josey Wales was one of MY forefathers (or as he is known in these parts José Wales). Did you know that a remake of this thrilling adventure story is currently being filmed very near Pata de Gallina? My lovely wife Linda tells me that the men I saw the other night with shovels are in fact film extras, not DR1 Defenders at all. Silly billy me! I was confused by their costumes.

This film remake has been especially commissioned by the President of the Dominican Republic, my pal, Leonel, to honour ME, one of the best expats the DR has ever known. Modesty prevents me from claiming the number one spot ha! ha! They were going to call this remake The Inlaw Brian Wales but they received letters of protest from Bournemouth UK. I am to have a starring role in this film (but they won't tell me what it is, yet). The female lead is to be played by that doyenne of cinema noire verité in England in the 1960's, Denise Hinchcliffe.

Can't wait to meet her again and renew old times as we mutually admire each other's thespian proclivities! Nor can I wait for my super special birthday dinner at precisely 5.03 pm on Friday 15th. which as you all know is my BIRTHDAY. I thought of inviting Denise as well but Linda says there isn't enough of the special ingredient for both Denise and myself.

A LITTLE JOKE (also contributed)
Now, I must tell you a joke. It's a bit risqué, as it sort of makes fun of the French, and you all know I don't like swear words or tolerate abuse of any kind. But I checked with my good friend, Jacques Chirac, and he said, "Tu me fais chier!" (My Fench is a bit rusty, but I'm sure Jacques meant well.)

The History of the Middle Finger
Well, now......here's something I never knew before, and now that I
know it, I feel compelled to send it on to my more intelligent
friends in the hope that they, too, will feel edified. Isn't
history more fun when you know something about it?

Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating
victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of
all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would
be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore
they would be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous
English longbow was made of the native English Yew tree, and the
act of drawing the longbow was known as "plucking the yew" (or
"pluck yew").

Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major
upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers
at the defeated French, saying, See, we can still pluck yew! Since
'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant
cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodentals
fricative F', and thus the words often used in conjunction with the
one-finger-salute! It is also because of the pheasant feathers on
the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known
as "giving the bird."

IT IS STILL AN APPROPRIATE SALUTE TO THE FRENCH TODAY!
And yew thought yew knew every plucking thing!.Ta ta for now. I'll be back on Saturday to tell you lucky people ALL about MY BIRTHDAY PARTY!.

Write to Lyin Brian at avocadolyin@blogspot.com/

Drink Ducksplatt del Pantherpiss (a lot)

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Drink only Mine