Four Monsters

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STATUE OF FOUR MONSTERS

The Economist magazine, Christmas 2004, reports that the Germans are gradually coming to grips with their Nazi past by memorializing in exhibits, plaques, and statues the sins of the Nazis who ruled from 1933 to 1945. All over Germany and in Munich, which was the birthplace of the National Socialist movement, are memorials to the victims of the Holocaust -- the millions of Jews. Gypsies, and other undesirables who met their fate in the ovens of such places as Auschwitz, Dachau and Birchenwald.

But is there anything useful to say visually about four of the chief architects of the Third Reich's horrors, Adolph Hitler, Hermann Goering, Heinrich Himmler, and Joseph Goebbels? Would statues of these men, shown posing in Nazi uniform, vain and pompous in their self-glory, arms upraised giving the Nazi salute, by their very ridiculousness to modern eyes, convey anything of value about why millions of Germans gave these monsters fervent and undying loyalty during their twelve years in power?

Yes, says a French sculptor, with some artful additions to such depictions.

There are thousands of photographs of these men but no statues of them to help explain why they were the way they were. Pierre Augustan Lavaliere de la Pen, a French artist whose patriotic sculptures adorn the squares of many towns in former occupied France, has proposed a statue of the four men that would explain, at least in part, how their peculiar anatomy played a role in forming their personalities.

M. de la Pen says a famous marching song of the second world war provided inspiration for his proposed statue, the famous Colonel Bogey March. During the war, Allied soldiers sang the following words to the March's theme (click on for song sung by an Allied soldier during WWII):

"Hitler, has only got one ball; Goering has two, but they are small; Himmler, has something similar; but poor old Goebbels, has no balls, at all!"

M. de le Pen proposes that the four be portrayed as a group, in a bronze sculpture, each about nine feet high, posing pompously in Nazi SS dress uniform, with belted jacket, military cap (except for Hitler, who liked to be bareheaded), Nazi regalia, etc., complete except for two items: they would not be wearing underwear or military breeches. The anatomy of their genitals would be fully displayed in all their (peculiar) glory, according to Allied servicemen's depictions in the words to the Colonel Bogey March.

From speakers at the statue base, against a background of thousands of Germans shouting "Sieg Heil", as at a pre-war Nuremberg Rally, an Allied soldier would sing in an endless loop, the English words, above, to a harmonica accompaniment of the Bogey March.

Said M. de la Pen, "It would point out to present-day Germans that many of their near ancestors were ardent followers of a quirky band of sexual freaks, some with strong homosexual tendencies. It would have the further advantage that it would display to the world that Germans have a sense of humour, something that is not generally acknowledged or credited by many Germans themselves..."

Not everyone is hailing M. de Pen's suggestion with enthusiasm. Neo-Nazi groups in Germany and elsewhere, are threatening severe reprisals if their 'heroes' are so grossly demeaned. S. J. Butler, head of the American SS Brigade, based in Boston, said, "My troopers are ready to take whatever action we deem appropriate in face of this outrageous slur on the honor of National Socialism."

Tony Blair and US President, Geo. W. Bush, both refused to take calls from The Notional Pest for their views on the proposed memorial. However, it is understood that the president, an avowed born-again Christian, is of the view that public displays of nudity are "not the American way". A spokesperson for Mr. Blair would only offer the comment that, "with Prince Harry appearing in a Nazi uniform at a costume party, the PM is not about to comment about statues of Nazis with their (expletives) exposed." Former Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin was characteristically non-committal, but a close observer of the millionaire politician offered the comment, "Martin never had the balls to give an honest opinion of anything until the polls told him how the majority of voters thought."